Scars
by ToraTsuin
Summary: [KS] Tsuna wasnt always the Tsuna we all know and love. One-shot


His scars went deep. They went to his very soul, gripped it with an unyielding force. Those were only the invisible ones, there were physical ones too.

Who knew that the infamous number one hitman, his tutor, the one who Tsuna better than he knew himself, could be so unobservant. Those scars were always painfully obvious to Tsuna, especially the ones on his arms, but Reborn never noticed, neither did Doctor Shamal. Didn't that man pride himself on being the best doctor around? Yet he never said anything, though Tsuna had other painfully obvious scars scattered on his body.

Could it be that they didn't want to bring it up, reasoning that it was a painful memory for Tsuna. However, that doesn't add up when Reborn is all tough love, and likes to know everything, at almost any cost.

Perhaps, you can only see the scars when you know they exist. That Reborn, Shamal, his own mother, siblings, and guardians, can't see the scars on his arm, back, or chest, because they don't know they exist. Where he cut in the darkest moments of his despair, when the bullies brought knives and cut his back, when he was pushed and cut his chest on a sharp rock.

Maybe, it is better this way. After all, they believe that Tsuna was strong emotionally, mentally, and physically. That he is like a saint, a perfect sky, which only rarely got impatient, angry, or fed up. That he has always been able to ignore the taunts and insult. That he is incapable of hating anyone, with the possible exception of his father. That he has always been optimistic and innocent. That the possibility of him ever even thinking of committing suicide is negative two hundred and four. That he has always been, _always will be_, kind, forgiving, and the slightest bit naïve.

Nevertheless, the sad, undeniable truth is that they are _wrong_.

How can you be naïve, when the fact that life is simply a fucking bitch, is engraved into your knowledge at an early, impressionable age?

How can you be innocent, when you know can sympathize with those nearly die a bitter and painful death at the age of ten?

How can you be optimistic, when you constantly hear day in and day out that you are useless, a waste of space, stupid? That you are the hated one, the bullied one, the insulted one, the one everyone stays away from, that no one dares to even get to know?

How can you not have a shred of hatred, when you are bullied by the same people constantly?

How can you be deemed incapable of suicide, when you very nearly succeeded?

Tsuna constantly wonders how they can't see how that the innocence, kindness, benevolence, and optimism they saw when they met him was a mask. That those traits slowly rewound and embedded themselves into his soul after a long absence, due to them. Through constant assurance that he was _not_ useless, that people cared for him, and supported him. Hell, his spartan tutor from the underworld even offers him occasional praise.

Then Tsuna wonders exactly when his mask became less fake. When he started laughing and smiling with his whole heart and soul. When their beliefs about his personality started being true. When the scars and trauma became less important, less visible. When the nightmares stopped.

When he truly starts thinking about it, he can't bring himself to care too much. For he has reached the fabled light at the end of the tunnel, the ending with the bright future.

But there are some days when his scar itch, the nightmares from trauma come back at full force, make him want to crawl into a hole and die. When he wishes the assassins would _finally_ get through the Vongola defense and end his life. When he just wants to drown himself in the alcohol, which he has never touched. When he wishes he had succeeded in his painkiller suicide attempt. When he wants to go back to cutting. The days where he just goes through the motions along with the fake smiles and laughter to ease his overprotective family.

There is only one reason he doesn't indulge in his self-harming, his family. Unlike before, he now has three younger siblings to take care of. As well as two older brothers, that would be devastated with his activities. Not to mention Bianchi, Kyoko, Haru, and Chrome, whom he views as sisters, who would never leave Tsuna alone if he did. Let's not forget Tsuna's lovely overprotective best friends Hayato and Takeshi. The two most violent of his guardians also care about him, in their own twisted ways, and would _not_ approve. Reborn would be highly disappointed in Tsuna's hypocritical actions, considering his tendency to beat it into his friends' skulls to value their lives, and resume training twice as intense. That is not even considering what his other family would do. Oh the horror of the Varia, Arcobaleno, Byakuran and his family, Yuni and her family, Enma and his family if they found out. Tsuna would hear about his stupidity and receive unwanted support constantly.

Besides the horrible onslaught of "_counseling_" that would occur from his family, Tsuna now knows that the nightmares will go away and take with them the phantom pains of his scars. That things do actually get better with time. So he hides his discomfort and waits for the pain to hibernate until next time.

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This is my favorite piece :D

Read and Review?

~Tora ^^


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